Warm October Sun

Warm October Sun
Won't you help me see
What it is that you
Have in your warmth for me?

Indian Summer
continues on
feeling older
yet I stumble on

Crops coming down
Stores rushing in
Winter coming round
Wont you hold me in?

Warm October Sun
splashing over me
natural as raindrops
nobody can see

Mosquitoes come and go
with the waning light
like details gone cold
fighting wrong and right

Fires crashing down
and burn from within
Ashes coming down
just like life again

Veruca Salt...

Man life sucks.

Right now I feel like Veruca Salt after the "bad egg" episode.

No matter how kind or nice I seem to think that I am to people, it just seems to mean that they can run over me a little more.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Nice guys always finish last.

Don't forget these things. They are impenetrably true. No matter where you go you are reminded of this.

Even at work, the boss has these quotes that are supposed to increase morale; The latest one had something to the effect of:

"While patient people get some stuff, it's the a-holes that push and shove their way to the front that get everything good, and only the leftovers are left for the patient."

Come on people. What are we trying to promote? Think about it. We survive just fine with what we've got, a lot of people survived just as well, or even better, with a lot less. I'm sure that we could do it, and we don't really NEED to keep going out and getting more and more crap to bring back to the "cave", but that is what everyone keeps pushing. It's like crack for the common folk. When will we ever learn that to be better people, we need to learn to rise above the 'common' responses of fear, jealousy and violence?

I have decided that humanity, for a large part, is a lost cause. There are but a few people out there that actually live, breathe and think for themselves. Of course, this could just be my job talking.

Dealing with human trash long enough, it just may convert me to human trash, and that is truly immensely scary. These people complain that their "checks" (read: welfare checks) don't afford them to be able to eat out often enough or to buy them the cell phone that they want, instead of the "crummy" one that they may have gotten 6 months ago.

I'm honestly scared of how I'll react in returning to the normal "working" world. I'm afraid that I've become so much of them that it will reflect in how I act towards "normal" people. I continue to ask myself, "Is this really worth it?"

Have I really become Veruca Salt? Will I never be able to have "enough"? Hmmmmm...Maybe we should all ask that question. Take an honest look around. How many times an hour do you take for granted what you've got?

Frustration...

What is it about me that makes me so unattractive to the women I'm attracted to? Am I attracted to all the wrong women? Man I must have some serious screws loose in this head of mine. Either I am taking the wrong approach to women, or I just haven't figured the dating thing out yet. I just really suck at getting this first date thing. On top of that I suck at getting a second date. Did I mention that I really really despise dating?

Movin' on up....

Life has a funny way of reminding you what is truly important.

Pushes here and pulls there to remind you just how good things are.

My life has been steadily been heading in a more positive direction for some time now. More and more often, I feel comfortable with who and what I am slowly becoming, where as before I was just trying to be better than I was, without focus, without a specific desire in mind.

There are those of you who have noticed, but not said anything about my melancholy as of late. A lot has been going on. Let's list just a couple...

-Work.. ever so dramatic and unstable.

-School.. from one to the next, and not forgetting the well meaning career counselor that is assigned to me until I find a "job".

-Union.. This has been a focus of late, but as I noted yesterday, it's creating more problems for me than is really worth my time, integrity and respect.

-Girlfriend.. Erinn and I still talk now and then, not much lately, but still there (as friends).

-Finances.. Getting prepared to finally end the blackade of my freedom..man it's been too long.

Things are going well in all of these endeavors, even the union that I see becoming a losing fight, may soon turn around for the better, just without my presence.

Today I had a bit of a financial crisis, a snafu, so to speak. It really made me think about what and who were important to me. Changes are coming. Hopefully soon. Things are getting better. Life goes on....

I don't see anyone....

Looking around my friend's blogs, I see that I have been clearly lacking one thing: The regular update.

I have been aware of this, but can't seem to bring myself to bring anything new or interesting to the table that my friends haven't covered in an all-compassing rant or rave of some kind. From YouTube to Transformers to Pot Smoking Hippies...it's there.

What can I do?

Well...

Nothing. I suck.

But Wait!

There is hope!

Doing the unionization thing once seemed good and fruitful. It seemed like the answer laid there in the union crystal ball. Maybe I was looking for it to answer too many questions. Maybe I was a TAB and under caffeinated. Maybe I was just blinded by the thought that people could be decent and not power hungry bastards not looking to do the right thing, but to usurp all the power they could for themselves.

It is with this sentiment, that I must withdraw my name, and the remainder of my integrity, from this arena, not that I should not support such a movement, but the forefront is not my place in such an ugly political affair, at least not this one.

I have been plagued by trusting a member of our group. I should have known that such a treacherous person would do such unworthy and unholy things. I feel like I cannot allow my self to be further tainted by involving myself further in this process. Honestly, I wish it were truly possible to never see or talk to this person ever again. I don't understand how anyone could honestly follow their selfish form of leadership.

Take care with your words, dear readers, as I wish this sentiment to not be made public, and I will confirm it in public to those I feel need to and wish to have know such information.

I fear such a tragedy may befall our glorious effort into union-hood that it may become an ugly redheaded step child of what it should have been.

I don't see anyone.